A Royal(ish) Wedding

Sally dug the royal wedding. What wasn’t to love? Beautiful people, military uniforms, designer dresses, hats that should have toppled several women over. Naturally, Sally then spent a good chunk of wedding day executing her own version of the royal nuptials.

Throngs of onlookers awaited a glimpse of the happy prince and princess.

The bride wore a Kleenex veil and a dress by Mattel. Her necklace is genuine China-made plastic. The groom wore a look of vague detachment.

The pool party reception (hmmm, the queen in a bikini…) ended with an exuberant–and naked–bride scaling the castle’s tallest tower. Her new husband climbed up to rescue her.

The newlyweds retired to a furnished castle built by the prince himself, where they promptly began planning a family. They are expecting their first daughter tomorrow. She will have bunk beds in her room. . . . As all princesses should.

A Wedding at Home

Yesterday, Sally coordinated a wedding for her Calico Critters. It was more memorable than 90 percent of the human weddings I’ve attended, warranting a photo essay.

It was a lovely afternoon on the rooftop of the Calico Critters mansion. The interspecies ceremony uniting Kitty and Bear included the exchange of the traditional blue balloon.

I was unaware the ceremony was Jewish until I noticed the bottle that was repeatedly placed between bride and groom. (They were low on wine glasses.) They never did break it, which probably should have been an omen...

The reception was raucous, with the groom's relatives barely able to stay upright. But the real shocker of the afternoon was yet to come. Shortly after the cake was cut, the bride, who had hidden her pregnancy entirely...

...gave birth at her own wedding reception. The boy/girl twins immediately yelled "Daddy!" and began fighting over who got to wear Mommy's veil.

The guests were understandably baffled.

The bride's mother spent most of the reception in the bathroom, wondering where it had all gone wrong. ...Told you it was a memorable wedding.