Grocery Shoppers: An Analysis

The Super Bowl is this Sunday, and even if you don’t car a whit because the 49ers aren’t in it (sniff…) everyone should be extra cautious with their decisions about grocery shopping over the next few days. Seriously, if you don’t need deli meats or soda, DON’T go down those aisles. They’ll be filled with people wearing oversized jerseys and ugly slide sandals. But really, if you’re a parent, you always have to strategize about shopping. When you choose to go to the store can mean the difference between zipping through with your smartphone list, or banging your head on a germ-filled cart as you wait in line behind the lady who is sure those Lipton iced teas were a two-for-one.

So that you may shop at the best time for your personality, I give you “Who Goes Shopping When.”

Who Goes Shopping When:

  • Friday morning – Stay-at-home moms; old ladies paying with checks.
  • Friday afternoon – Harried parents who realized there’s nothing in the fridge and whose kids are pissed off to be shopping after a long week at school.
  • Friday night – Teenagers inappropriately dressed for winter; men who might be homeless.
  • Saturday morning – Dads and their kids, ruthlessly kicked out of the house by mom; oenophiles prepping for their dinner party tonight.
  • Saturday afternoon – Leisurely childless couples.
  • Saturday night – Partiers buying liquor; dateless singles buying the single-serving mini bottles of wine and a prepared stuffed chicken breast; defeated men buying tampons.
  • Sunday morning – Extremely efficient moms who follow the exact same path through the store each week; heathens.
  • Sunday midday – The people who were in church this morning, wearing their finery.
  • Sunday afternoon – People with no sense of urgency who park in the middle of the aisle trying to think of what they want; moms who think shopping should be a family experience; couples married more than five years who bicker over pasta brands.

Good luck, and good Super Bowl.


13 responses to “Grocery Shoppers: An Analysis

  1. This is truly a global statement. Love it!

  2. Saturday morning – so true! I’m always jealous of those moms who brilliantly send dad and kids to the store. Until I remember that it comes with the risk of finding a fridge and pantry full of stuff I don’t like…

  3. Yay! A new post!
    I prefer shopping with the old folks at 9:30 am on weekdays. They’re really happy, polite and quite leisurely. The hoodlums are still in bed and the crazy shoppers are either home making breakfast, or at work.

  4. You forgot to mention those of us who go to the Wal-Mart SuperStore in the middle of the night because it’s both relatively quiet and terribly entertaining. Bonus: you can go in your Jammies if you live in the South (although they are threatening a law preventing this luxury, pfft). LOL.

    • Ah, see, that is because where I live, going to Wal-Mart at night means you are a drug dealer. Or looking to get shot. Yay Oakland!

  5. So glad to see you again! Oh and updated news… I’m in Virginia now and not in Australia anymore!

  6. Rofl man I miss your words

  7. You nailed it! You did leave out the Sunday morning “blue haired” crowd with the multiple expired coupons, that hit every call button in the store when the item is right in front of them, and they block the aisles to squint at their shopping lists because their reading glasses are hanging from their neck lines, SMH! But you nailed it and I should know as I work at a Super Target and see this every day!

  8. You left out the Saturday late afternoon shoppers: women whose husbands say that they will do the shopping who then have to go back later and get most of the things he forgot.

    And by the way, we live in London and are big Giants fans so we were VERY happy, even if it was 4 in the morning by the time it all finished and we had to go to work/school the next day. Some things are worth it, though…

  9. Thanks for everything.Thanks for your information,thanks for your time writing and thanks for your sincere to make it really nice post.Anyway i will bookmark your site for future update.Keep it up.

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