Nine Kid Show Lines I Can’t Fricking Get Out of My Head

Kid shows are melting my brain. Some are definitely better than others: I love Sesame Street (which Sally knows, so she claims it is boring) and I enjoy Olivia. But most have these incredibly annoying repeated lines, or just types of lines that make me want to back over the flat screen with my car.

Bubble Guppies – “What time is it? It’s time for lunch!”
These weird little mermaidy kids live in a world without physics, one of my pet kid show peeves. Though annoying, their lunch line has become embedded in the Embee family arsenal of quasi-witty comebacks.

Dora the Explorer – “Say MAP! LOUDER! SAY MAP!”
If ever given the chance, I will kill Dora.

Berenstain Bears – “Gosh, I didn’t think of it that way.”
The Berenstain kids are super-duper wholesome, yet somehow manage to spend 20 of the 22 minutes available to them teaching your kid how NOT to act. But you know what bothers me most about this show? Mama Bear’s muumuu and shower-cap hat. Who decided that was the picture of a good mom? Also her treehouse is immaculate, which is annoying. Yes, I’m jealous of a two-dimensional bear.

Yo Gabba Gabba! – “There’s a Party in my Tummy!”
I haven’t even seen this show and the song is in my brain.

Angelina Ballerina – “Uh. huh–uh. Ah.” [grunts] “But that’s not FAIR, Mum!”
Angelina is a flat out brat. This has not stopped us from owning no fewer than six Angelina Ballerina books and Tivoing episodes.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse – “Oh, Toodles!”
Another land without consistent gravitational pull. I don’t know why I expect more from a show where half-dressed, talking mice and ducks come to a clubhouse every day to learn their colors, but I do.

Team Umizoomi – “You’re really good at math, Umi-friend!”
Okay, actually, this show has shown me yet again how good at math my kid is. She can add! I still can’t add. And therein lies my frustration with the program.

Handy Manny – [in monotone] “that-is-right-it-is-a-screwdriver.”
Wilmer Valderrama is phoning this baby in. Then he hangs up and turns back to the supermodels partying in his pool. Jerk.

Caillou – “Caillou though that was silly.” “AHA! AHA HA HA! HEE HEE HEE! HA HA AHA!”
You do realize he’s Canadian, right? After I kill Dora, I’ll hunt down Caillou, eh? Then I’ll turn myself in, and be put in jail for life, but then they’ll give me the Nobel Peace Prize. I’ll pretty much be our generation’s Nelson Mandela.

You know what’s scary? The tween shows look way worse….


8 responses to “Nine Kid Show Lines I Can’t Fricking Get Out of My Head

  1. That’s cute! I’m past all those (for the moment) now that my kids are grown and grand kids are teenagers. But I am hooked on every animated movie that comes out. I guess I’ll always embrace my inner child…(-:

  2. LOL I like the BBears ill havd to pay attention to the tree house next time .Olivia “my little bother” everyday phrase at our place . Yes pre teen shows have you see “fresh beat band”

  3. Please kill Caillou…Actually, I can help we can go up north, take a 3 day weekend. It would be like the best vacation ever! Leave the kids at home, he’s obviously not a fighter so getting rid of him would go rather quick, then we could take time to enjoy Canadian things like , gravy and cheese covered fries and a Tim Hortons on every corner. Lots of beer too! It would be great =) Then we could out run the Mountie, with just a rental car.

  4. “Everybody, everybody outside! Let’s go, everybody outside!”
    “I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the MAAAAPPPPP!”
    Have you had to deal with Captain Hook’s incessant whining on Jake and the NeverLand Pirates?
    I see we run in the same circles.

    • SUN! Beautiful SUN! ….. Bubble Guppies kills me. I am not familiar with this pirate show, though. Sounds lovely. 🙂

  5. Wonder pets, wonder pets, we’re on our way to save a baby (insert animal here) and save the day. We’re not too big and we’re not to tough, barf, barf, barf, barf barfity BARF! Gooooo Wonder Pets! Bubble guppies is cool. They camp in tents incase it rains and can light fires underwater. My children are confused. Caillou doesn’t exist in NZ but I’d be more than happy to make the pilgrimage to Canada via Dora’s house with some matches for the map. We’ll have to be careful of the backpack. You never know what she’s got in there. An eraser? A blowdart? I’ll feel sorry for Diego, only a little though. At least he saves cool animals and HIS backpack turns into something useful. Go Diego Gooooooooo!!!! Then I’ll have a stiff drink. Who cares if it 7am? Getting off my soapbox now.

  6. My kids are 8 and 9 and I STILL have nightmares about Caillou and his stupid bald head. It’s time to knock him off once and for all… to save future generations of moms!

  7. LOVE this one!!!! xo

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