Neener Neener, I’m the Best Mommy


As far as Sally is concerned, I have only ever had one major flaw as a mother. Astonishingly, it is not my “squishy” stomach. It is my total and utter lack of ability to use a sewing needle. Why a mom in 2011 should even be expected by her 4-year-old to sew is beyond me. Has she seen other mothers churning butter? Are the preschool families getting up before dawn to feed the chickens? Why would I sew things together when I can buy things on Etsy that look like I sewed them together? Alas, the look of disappointment on Sally’s face every time she came up with a craft idea–and then realized her mom sucked–was just too much for me. So in my quest to be the perfect parent (which some people, ironically, might say is my major flaw) I decided to remedy this.

One of my New Year’s resolutions was: Become a sewing hack.

Yes, a hack. I read somewhere that you should set realistic goals. So the objective here is to make two pieces of fabric stick together without the use of anything made by the Scotch guys. And with minimal reading of directions.

I’m happy to say this resolution was accomplished on January 2 with a little Internet learnin’ and trial and error. The lucky recipient? Ken Doll. He needed a blanket and pillow in the new vacation house (more on that soon). My artistry consists of a “blanket stitch” and something I like to call “that thing where they make the thread look like a solid line.” It’s pretty awesome, and I’m going to say the obvious horrible sewing is “boho chic” . . . or maybe “hobo chic.”  At any rate, when Sally saw it, she said, “Oh Mommy, it’s wonderful.” And now I’m the best mom. FLAWLESS. Boo-yah.

Hey, baby, there's room for two in my Styrofoam block bed.

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5 responses to “Neener Neener, I’m the Best Mommy

  1. Way to go! I have also been feeling this awful pressure to sew, knit or otherwise prove my crafty homemaker abilities lately. Oh, and if you figure out how to sew an owl costume, please let me know!!

  2. My daughter comes home from her best friend’s house with crafts galore and looks at me like I’m just sad compared to her friend’s Mom. I am. I sooo am. Her friend’s Mom rocks BUT I will say, in my pitiful defense, her mom only has 1 child and likes to sit and do crafts with them… Me? I like to watch children do crafts not so much participate in them.

    ps – your stitching ROCKS!!

    M

  3. Great Job! I hate to admit to you ladies that I’m one of those crafty moms. To my defense though, I spent 6 years studying sculpture and I figure that art degree has to be useful for something! Just so you know, a good blanket stitch is tough, even for the seasoned sewer, so you should feel immense pride over your triumph. Keep it up, it just takes practice!

  4. HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Everything about this post makes me laugh. My eyes are watering. Way to go Supermom!

    PS – Ken is much prettier than I remember. Is that lipstick?

  5. Ha! Good job bummer! Let me know if you need any craft advice for all that technical writing advice I get from you; We’ll barter our talents.

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