My Husband Is Worst Parent of the Month


Photo: frhuynh/Stockvault.net

Mr. Embee had the award for “worst parent of the month” all wrapped up on the first day of November. You think I’m exaggerating things because he has that pesky Y chromosome and I’m harder on those people, but NO. He agrees. Worst Parent, November 2010, goes to Mr. Embee.

Sally and the Mr. talk about all sorts of things on their morning drive to school–how the air conditioner works, how many stripes there are on the American flag, why we burp, etc. This Monday, the day before elections, there were lots of people on street corners holding signs that said things like “Vote Joe Schmo for city councilman” and “No on Prop. 593.” Sally is highly entertained by people who enthusiastically wave signs on the street. So they got to talking, and the Mr., who is actually a mutant being born with a super-enlarged sarcasm gland, says: “We should roll down the windows and yell ‘Get a job.’ ”

Even when he heard the bzzzzzz of the backseat window rolling down, it didn’t occur to him that 4-year-olds don’t GET sarcasm.

Imagine, if you will: You are holding your sign for your beloved gubernatorial candidate. You are feeling pride that in your country you can stand up for what you believe, right there on the street. And this SUV’s window rolls down to reveal a bright-eyed, blonde preschooler with bows in her hair and a chubby-cheeked smile. And she screams, “GET A JOB!”

Mr. Embee nearly ran off the road.

Mortified, he had to explain that he was kidding and that was NOT a nice thing to say. Sally, considering this, replies, “Well, maybe they SHOULD get a job. There are plenty of jobs they could do.” So he has to explain that actually, no, right now there are not enough jobs for everyone, and anyway most of those people probably do have jobs but they’ve taken a day off to be involved in our election and that’s a nice thing, and either way we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. All the while checking his rear view mirror to make sure nobody is chasing them.

He swears they were past any people and that nobody heard her. I hope that’s the case. At any rate, I’m just glad that for once I am not the worst parent. Congratulations, darling. You win.

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9 responses to “My Husband Is Worst Parent of the Month

  1. So funny! I actually have a similar story, except that I was the kid shouting out the window when I was 5 or 6, and the objects of my derision were union members picketing a hotel in the very small town where I lived. I remember quite clearly my mom’s half gasp/half hiss NO!

  2. Thanks for making me laugh out loud this morning!

  3. I read it twice, am still laughing, and have decided David must read this.

  4. Isn’t that how little “sign waivers” are created…?
    This blog has been through three animated re-tellings by your mother and two additional readings by me….and I am still laughing. Even more than the usual, the vision you have given me of Sally and the Mr. is stuck in my head. Allowing me to keep laughing, when no one else knows why!
    Thank you!!!

  5. Civics lessons start early 🙂

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