Things That Didn’t Get Done

For the first two weeks of preschool, Sally napped. She needed it to get her through the eight-hour days in new surroundings and the Mr. and I gave ourselves pep talks before about how this would probably happen. But still, it was HORRIBLE. You see, when Sally naps, she gets insomnia and cannot fall asleep before 11 p.m. Anyone who has lived with a child for more than, oh, 25 minutes, knows that the only thing keeping parents alive is the blessed early bedtime. So her being awake so late is parent torture. Since being at Guantánamo Bay means I was either playing with my kid late into the evening or laying in bed with her as she tossed and turned, there are a lot of things that didn’t get done around here.
12 things that fell through the cracks while I lived the preschooler life:
*Moving towels from the washer to the dryer. Fortunately the mildew smell alerted me.
*Dishwashing. I reused a plastic spork one night.
*Picking up miniature Strawberry Shortcake pieces. Now a pink purse is lodged in my heel and fruit fumes are emanating from the carpet.
*Paying the gardner. Don’t get all uppity about me having a gardner. He mows the lawn. It’s not like I’m lounging by a pool watching some man’s muscles ripple. Anyway, I forgot to pay him, so if I die by weed whacking, you’ll know why.
*Having conversations with a man (apologizing to the gardner doesn’t count). Did you know there is a male living in my house?! He’s tall, too. And he says we’re married. Crazy.
*Reading. I was actually 3/4 through a book. A BOOK — with more than 12 pages and without rhyming text. Now I don’t even remember where I put it.
*Making a fantastic dessert for a dinner party. A personal disappointment since I can only show love by feeding people. I managed to pull together brownies and ice cream, which says “I like you, I just don’t LIKE YOU like you.” Ugh.
*Applying to be parent representative for Sally’s class. Now some other mom has that job — i.e., I LOSE. And no, I don’t have time to be class rep. It doesn’t matter. Everything is a competition and I highly prefer to win.
*Watching Project Runway. They didn’t send Mondo home, did they? I love that tiny guy.
*Finding any images for this blog post. {sigh} Apologies.
*Exercising. This experience actually reversed time and made it so that I haven’t been to the gym since 2009!
*Watering backyard flowers. Good news, though — they’re dead now, so they don’t need water anymore.

6 responses to “Things That Didn’t Get Done

  1. Ahhh… I feel much more normal now. Good to know I’m not alone. Thanks!

  2. Fret not, Summer. Think back to when Sally was a newborn. Remember….

    If you managed a shower, it was a good day.
    Makeup was something other people wore.
    So were pyjamas.
    All the local takeaways were on speed dial.
    Every conversation involved mastitis treatments and/or the contents of baby’s last diaper.
    Your mother in law came to visit. You were happy about it.
    If hubby didn’t do the washing, you merely turned your knickers inside out.
    A book was something you stuck under the short leg of wonky tables.
    Every telephone conversation lasted exactly six seconds. Then baby cried.
    Every dream with George Clooney in it lasted exactly six seconds. For the same reason.
    Baby only ever slept while Jerry Springer was on the television. Baby NEVER slept during Idol.
    Your sartorial preferences leaned dangerously towards knit track pants.
    Your perfume became the heady scent of baby’s breath and breast milk.
    You subsisted on catnaps (and Oreos).

    Most importantly, you survived. So you can survive preschool. And before you know it, you’ll be wondering how you will survive the teen years. I have a teen – the answer is duct tape. (Just remember to cut her loose when she’s 25). You’re doing great, Summer. Keep up the good work.

  3. Duct tape for the teenager! Why didn’t I think of that?? 🙂

    I will do my best to distract her for the next few days.

  4. So funny, Summer!! I love you guys. 🙂

  5. ^%$#!! thanks for reminding me about the laundry!

  6. PS- Mondo has my vote for winner, too! I tried pulling a Mondo today and wearing stripes with some other print; I’m not so sure it worked for me.

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