They say a picture is worth 1,000 words. I wish I’d had a camera when “the hugest spider” Sally ever saw visited us a few days ago. My sketches will have to do. (Note: I am not a trained artist, if you can believe that. Stunning, I know.)
I was doing Sally's hair in the downstairs bathroom. The Do: Levitating Bow, which I'm getting better at.
I did not see our newest house guest drop and hover six inches from my head.
...Until I turned to grab the spray bottle of water. Being in "mom mode" is a funny thing, though. It enables us to lift automobiles off our children, and also to avoid swearing when a horrid, disgusting creature appears directly in front of our faces.
He looked like this. Yes, poised with a bottle of toxins and the dangling guts from his last victim. And dripping blood from his fangs. He looked EXACTLY like that. So I calmly scooted Sally's stool a foot away from him. And then, naturally, I said "Sally, check out who came to visit us!"
This is what happened.
And then this. As she scrambled up the stairs she yelled "I'm telling Daddy! I'm telling Daddy! AHHHHH!" Oh, so Daddy is the savior? Stupid dads, always getting to jump in and save the day while we get stuck yelling at everyone to turn off the video games and go to bed.
I had time to contemplate everything as I lay on the floor, with what I thought was a hairbrush but now appears to look more like a saw. Sally saved herself and sacrificed me, knocking me over as she fled the scene.
The spider thought it was awesome. Then he disappeared before Savior Daddy could kill him.