We’ve won an award. I say “we” because it’s customary to say you couldn’t have achieved your rampant success without your loyal fans, but really when I say “we” I mean “I” because I WON AN AWARD!
I used to win awards a lot, almost exclusively for playing the flute (and once for being OCD on a college camping trip), but it’s been a while. I expected one shortly after pushing an 8-pound human out of me, but the hospital never sent my engraved trophy. When I called about it they mumbled something about needing to tend to shooting victims.
In any event, someone has decided that Mom-Colored Glasses is worthy of recognition. I’ve received the Versatile Blogger Award, passed from blogger to blogger. Pretty much like a Screen Actor’s Guild award except a little more like a chain letter. According to the rules of the award (which I considered shunning because I’m a WINNER and winners pay rules no heed . . . but in this case the rules are fun) I must:
One: Express my deep gratitude to the blogger who bestowed the award — Laura at Time to Make the Brownies. Laura rocks. Her blog is laugh-out-loud funny, and I read it regularly even though I’m fairly certain Laura is skinnier than me. She’s very good at responding to comments on her blog, which I am tragically bad at. She loves being a mom but at the same time realizes she was insane to become one. She had self-diagnosed Post-Partum Tourette’s Syndrome, which is the most entertaining of the post-partum disorders. I could let her in the house when it’s so messy you could scrape an entire meal off the living room carpet, and she wouldn’t judge me. She’s probably my blogging soulmate. . . . That statement might freak her out, but it’s true.
Two: Tell your readers seven things about yourself.
- I was the marching band drum major–think conductor, not twirling batons. This is an important distinction. Also, we were really, really good. I have a trophy for being the best drum major, ‘kay?
- I once referred (in the form of a yell) to everyone else on the marching field as “a herd of cows” because they were moving so slowly. This did not win me points.
- Mint toothpaste. Never, ever cinnamon.
- About once per week I have a strong urge to do a handstand. I have never known how to do one, and would certainly break my neck if I let these compulsions get the best of me.
- Coming from a childhood where we smuggled candy into movie theaters to save money and then savored the experience of eating it by sucking on each morsel as slowly as possible, I find shoveling a handful of M&Ms into my mouth and chewing them with abandon to be among life’s greatest luxuries.
- For about seven months before I got pregnant, I took Krav Maga, which is the hand-to-hand combat system they teach Israeli soldiers. I came home after every class and tried deadly techniques on Mr. Embee. It’s the only sport I’ve ever enjoyed.
- The textures of Tapioca and applesauce, as well as the smell of pure molasses, can make me vomit. You didn’t think you were getting through this without a poop or barf reference, did you?
Three: Pass the award on to 15 bloggers. Fifteen?! That really diminishes my own importance as an award recipient. Also I don’t read 15 blogs. Two of the blogs that deserve it (the aforementioned Time to Make the Brownies and A Fly on the Wall) have already received this very, very prestigious recognition. And I read a few others that are quite good, but I’m going to be extremely selective to make you think this is a really big deal and just pick one absolutely stellar blog. The award goes to . . .
A Peine for Your Thoughts by Taryn Maxwell. Taryn had me at her description of her body type being that of Grimace. In reality she is so skinny and beautiful she should come in at about No. 3 on my most-hated list, but I can’t put her there because she’s so freaking funny. She can operate a sewing machine, gives her husband a hard time, and enjoys a good drink–I like these things in a person. That she makes me snort with laughter is gravy. So, tag, you’re it, Taryn. A huge engraved blogging trophy is in the mail.