Sometimes your child will decide to make you a gift. Once in a blue moon it’ll go really well. The other times? Well, you’ve seen the ants carry off the Fruit Loop necklaces. In just three years I’ve built up a decent collection of handmade gifts. Some of them are beautiful paintings. Others are a single green line on a paper, which I am instructed to “take to work and show your friends.” But there are a few gifts that really stand out. . . .
The perfect coffee mug. Sally made me this for no reason other than that I’m a great mom and she loves me. Oh wait, that was in my dreams. She made it because Caillou did so for his mom and we must live out–with correct script lines–every situation we see on television. Still, honestly, I love it. Favorite gift yet.
For the record, she wanted to paint it entirely black. Mr. Embee encouraged the use of colors. Though, let’s be honest, a black cup would have better described my mood most mornings.
I don’t always have a tulip with my coffee. Just on Thursdays.
The key chain. You were thinking jump rope? Or a 007 device to strangle your nemesis? Something with which to create welts on your own thighs as you walk as quickly as possible to achieve all your errands before daycare pickup? Or a cute little lash to snap your significant other with as he leaves for work? It works well for all of that. It’s the Swiss Army knife of key chains. Just watch out you don’t put your eye out.
The portrait. Oh that’s right. It’s ME. At first I was pretty insulted, but then I thought about how Sally usually sees me: staring down at her, with flat hair, my head ready to explode from frustration, wondering when exactly I went crazy, and trying to cover it all with a smile. So actually, this portrait is pretty accurate. And she toned down my nose, so that’s nice. Totally going to use this as my Facebook profile picture.