Bringing New Meaning to Food Preservatives


I rummaged around in my purse for a snack the other day (there was crazed midget near me being tortured with food deprivation. She has rotten parents.) and found a tangerine. Perfect, right? Unless that tangerine has managed to dehydrate and harden into a leathery lump. Like most moms’ handbags, lots of things go into mine but usually only money comes out. (Remember what was in there the last time I went on an archaeological dig?) The layers upon layers of receipts, Kleenex and crayons created the ideal conditions for a tangerine to totally and perfectly fossilize in a mere three months. Oh yes, I can date the fruit. It’s science. (Check out the Happy New Year sticker on it.) This is the historical find of the year, I tell you.
Mom-Colored Glasses is going on spring break! Regular posts will resume after my week of nearly nude, drunken fun in Miami with college men. Or, you know, I might get the oil changed and clean some closets. Still deciding.

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7 responses to “Bringing New Meaning to Food Preservatives

  1. OH MY GOD! That is sooooo gross!

  2. I worked with a guy who had an entire collection of dried, fossilized fruits on top of his computer monitor. I never did understand how they dried without first rotting – but it was still fascinating.

  3. THANK YOU for the free therapy session. I thought unwrapped sticks of gum encrusted with fishy cracker crumbs and sand were my dirty secret.

  4. When I first saw the picture I thought it was shriveled up steak. xDD

  5. Good goddess woman, did you TAKE that picture? That is petrified perfection! I’m trying not to be bitter about my lack of photography skills and professional-grade equipment…

    • Summer Embee

      I did! In my dreams I am a photographer. It’s not going to happen. But as it happens I had just taken a Photoshop class, so I was able to do a few little tricks to make it look better. Photoshop rocks my world.

      • Well, if this whole journalism thing doesn’t work out, I think you could make a good run at food photography. Hysterical post 🙂

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