I’ve been thinking lately about stupid things I’ve done. If I go back 10 or 15 years, just about 50 percent of the things I did could be categorized as stupid. But if you’d asked me then, I would have told you I was at least 85 percent smart. So it got me thinking, in 10 more years am I going to think most of the stuff I do today is idiotic, too? I mean, apart from eating an entire bag of kettle corn for dinner tonight. That’s a given.
Today I picked up my new bike. The last time I rode a bike was in college. I rode without a helmet (brain protection is SO geeky) and sometimes biked home from frat parties less than sober. …Sorry, Mom. We–several of us did this together–thought we were smart. After all, we weren’t driving a car.
Eight years ago while a guy was driving home from our first date I left a message on his answering machine clarifying that I really had great time and that I really really hoped he knew that. Really. He’s Mr. Embee now so it worked out alright but seriously, stupid move.
Twelve years ago I went to Mexico on spring break. Epically dumb. Super fun though.
Home purchase. Marriage. Baby. I have at times been fed up with each of these things and thought that only an idiot would have gotten herself into this mess. More likely I will look back on how I hyperventilate at the thought of leaving Sally for a night and think I was crazy for not appreciating the time away. I already want to dig myself a hole every time I give my own mother a three-page list of Sally’s needs for an hour of babysitting. She raised four children. I’m so stupid.
Watching Hell’s Kitchen is beyond stupid. But I do.
Today Mr. Embee and I are strategizing on how to get Sally to poop on the toilet consistently. I don’t yet know exactly how that could backfire on us but I’m pretty sure it can. She’ll be in therapy someday telling a very pointy woman about whatever we did and the woman will say “Wow, that was a really stupid thing for your parents to do.”
Maybe in the future I’ll regret having spent so much time doing dishes. But right now it seems pretty smart to prevent Monday’s spaghetti from nurturing an entire ecosystem on my countertop. Stockpiling gift wrap might look stupid to some, but when disaster hits and I can make a lean-to with wrapping paper and curling ribbon, we’ll see who’s laughing.
Two things are fairly certain. 1: My stupid acts of today are far less exciting than the idiotic incidents of yesteryear. Perhaps I’ll think it was stupid that I didn’t do more stupid things. 2: Odds are we’ll all think this blog is pretty stupid.